Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Total Freak Out

So I just had what one might consider a total freak out here. I was loading pictures that my FIL took while he and my MIL were here onto my hard drive. He snapped a few pics of me along the way as well. The first was one of those drug induced smiley pictures two days after the surgery when I came home from the hospital. Not a pleasant sight so I won't post it here. I had a big grin and pink cheeks though, so I wasn't in too much pain. Then, he snapped a few this past weekend when Tom was out mowing the lawn. I really wasn't micromanaging him, just lending some friendly advice on how I'd do it if I were mowing the lawn (I was actually jealous - I love mowing!). Anyway, Henry snapped a picture of the two of us standing next to one of the vans and I nearly lost it when I saw the picture. I haven't seen myself since the surgery other than in the mirror, and then all I see right now are scars. My body image is way out of whack as I have no idea what I look like. From what I've seen so far I'm very pleased with the whole thing and quite satisfied that I made a good decision here. But man oh man, I was blown away when I saw this picture. Now, it might not look that very different to you, but for the first time in a very very long time I look proportional. I have the baggy jammie bottoms and the baggy shirt on, plus a big old binder and gauze stuffed here and there, but geez I look different.
It's a wild concept to have this radical of a change to my body and for my brain not to be able to get it straight. The doctor even said that it might take a bit for my brain to get a good grasp on what my body looks like. Everyone who has seen me so far has noticed a huge difference, but I'm not quite there yet (even though I can see myself and have looked at myself every day for the past three weeks). So, I had me freak out and thought I'd share. Tom has said several times, Yes dear, that's what I've been telling you! but even that's not quite sinking in. Guess I need to take some more "after" shots and really look at the difference. Maybe tomorrow I'll get into the clothes that I put on for the "before" pics and take a tree weeks after shot. Hopefully I'll get this whole body image thing straightened out, because according to other people I look great now!


The Firth Five said...

How wonderful! What a long ordeal it has been, but the end result will be worth it! Post some before and after pics, I'd love to see them.
Take care. And how are the boys? I signed up my 3 for soccer tonight, all 3 in team sports! Ack, how will we survive?

Krissy said...

Go Suze! Looking Good!