Sunday, September 11, 2011

9/11 Memories

Looked back at my blog to five years ago to see what I wrote about 9/11, and what did I find? Nothing. Not a single post for the day, and nothing written about 9/11 at all that year. Then I remembered what 2006 was all about for me and understood better. 2006 was us moving to the DC area, both of my grandparents dying, then my mom passing away - all in the same year. So it makes more sense that I wasn't in a spot to reflect on 9/11. But this year, ten years after 9/11, is different. I've been having a bit of trouble with the whole 9/11 for some reason. It's almost as if I'm still processing, wanting to avoid it. We weren't directly affected by it. Tom was home, about to get on a plane to DC, but still packing when the planes hit the towers. Our close family was not directly affected but extended family was (and they left the area as soon as they could for the space and beauty of Colorado). But today as I sit here reflecting on what it means to me - which is what so many folks are asking - I'm not sure what to think. Like I said above, I think I'm still processing. The emotions well up and the fear resurfaces. The unknown is there again.

A few weeks ago we had an earthquake and the cell phones were jammed. Couldn't find Tom for a bit, but at the time I wasn't concerned as I knew generally where he was and that he was likely safe. But now I wonder what would have happened if it had been hours and there was no communication, no contact. I can't even begin to understand what folks went through on 9/11 where they saw the images on the TV and online but couldn't reach out to their family.

So here we are ten years later, remembering, certainly not forgetting, but for me I'm still trying to figure out exactly how to process all of this. Maybe in time I will settle. We did go to the site a few years back and saw where there were no more towers. That was startling. Maybe it's time for us to go back again and see what is in the place of those famous towers, and things might settle more in my mind.

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